I worry that my best won't be good enough. I might spend ceaseless hours working on my homework and watch it not pay off in the long run. I'm afraid that if I try I'll only fail. I fret over the thought of discovering that my mind won't expand any further. Taking risks is one of my biggest challenges as a person. I also worry that I'll never find a man that I genuinely love who loves me in return. I worry that these years will breeze past and I’ll look back on them with regret and remorse. I worry that I'll be stuck within the barriers of unrequited love for years to come. I worry that I’ll never be normal enough to be able to survive in society. I’m tired of acting like I’m on top of things and confident, and to be entirely honest, I don’t know where the hell I’m going or what I’m doing. I’m so lost. I know that many other people are going through what I'm going through, but it seems like others can put on a much more convincing disguise. I'm weird and everyone knows. I don't wear that persuasive mask of self-confidence that will obscure the truth; I wear the transparent one.
I've found that I want somebody to share myself with. It's hard to live with myself when there's nobody who understands me or appreciates my interests. Some may say that I'm unique, but oftentimes I wish I had more popular interests so that I could relate to others. I like what I like, but it's hard when there's no one like me. I wonder what other people's minds are like and how they perceive things - what does life feel like for them? What do the bars of a song sound like? What are sounds? Their answers will be inconceivable to me; I will understand their words but the words will do no good. Words describe the concrete just right, but when it comes to emotion we catch only a glimpse. I do not feel as you feel. Or do I? That is unknown and forever obscured to us.
I want to know if they dream of living in fantasy lands. If they want to actually go where their minds take them. I often wish I could visit the worlds in my books and video games, but unfortunately they can never be reality. They are just elements of fantasy, things that we dream about but will never actually experience. And yet...I conjure up eccentric plans of the creation of my own world...and yet again I realize that it is in vain.
I walk in your direction yet I am hoping to go by unnoticed. But you do notice. My feelings for you are so intense that my throat gets dry and a lump grows in my throat. I can't look you in the eye because no words will come come out and I fear that I will look like a fool. She thinks she's too good for me, you must be thinking. But no, it is quite the opposite. When I catch a glimpse of your eyes, I think, this man is too good for me. I feel a certain vibe from you, one that I've never felt before. You have a peaceful soul, a flowing stream that connects to mine. I felt it the first day I met you, and I feel it to this day. And yet I feel a sense of rage pouring from you as the tiny stream becomes a river...The power and the peace. The contradiction is alluring and makes me ever drawn to you. You suck me in then you blow me away. I wonder if you feel even a minuscule piece of what I am feeling right now...If you can comprehend or relate to even the slightest bit of my feelings for you. But you are lost to me...gone. And like everything else that I feel, this must just be a fantasy...Because my dreams never come true...
